By Kaitlyn Hughes and Hal Greenblatt, Truancy Prevention Department
Structure can be hard to achieve and more importantly maintain. One of the most important things to remember is consistency is key. In order to promote lasting success with structure it is important for parents to be consistent and openly discuss with children what is expected. Routines and schedules should be consistently reinforced no matter who is caring for the child or what day of the week it is!
Communicate, communicate, communicate. Routines should be openly discussed with all family members. Collaborate, discuss and compromise in order to find the best routine that fits your family. Once you figure out what works (i.e. when to wake up, when to be dressed, when to eat breakfast, when to start school!), write down the different times and their correlating activities on a sheet of paper, white board, or poster board. Whatever the template, It is important that schedules are put up and can be easily seen. Maybe you choose to put it on the refrigerator, living room wall above the TV, or dining room table where you do your work together.
Think about creating checklists! Forming checklists Is also something that can be very helpful for families to reinforce structure. You could create a weekly checklist of things you want to achieve by the end of the week: cleaning a certain room, ordering groceries, finishing a project. Or you could have each of your family members create a daily list of small and big things they will get done by the end of the day. Make sure to ensure these are all achievable goals! That’s a critical part of successful list-making.
Be kind to yourself! Forming and enforcing structure in the home is difficult under the best of circumstance. For a long time, your family has likely been functioning with limited structure, or external things like school and schedules and weekends have provided some semblance of structure before. It is important to note that building structure and enforcing that plan will DEFINITELY not happen overnight but making small, consistent changes promotes lasting change for your whole family.
Sleep Hygiene Sleep is vital, and in order to set up good sleep habits consistency is KEY. Here’s how you do it: for kids of all ages, bedtimes should be at the same time for both weekdays and weekends. Even though children are not physically going to school right now it is very important that they are getting a good night sleep. It can be easy to fall into “vacation habits” or loosen up the expectations when we are in such an uncertain and unknown time. Elementary students should be getting anywhere from 9-11 hours of sleep per night. In comparison, high school students should be getting around 7-9 hours of sleep. We recommend establishing a bedtime routine (this is not just for babies!). This could include limiting electronic use at least 1 hour before bedtime, taking time to read a book or journal, taking a shower, listening to music, or drinking warm tea.
Self-Care: You all have heard the saying: If you don’t take care of yourself you cannot take care of others! This is said so often because it is true. Self-care is essential in maintaining our mental health. In these busy stressful times, it is extra important to make sure that you have daily YOU time. That might mean literally scheduling “YOU’ time into your busy day. Do not be afraid to take 30 minutes – 1 hour to focus on yourself daily. Whether it be reading, taking a bath, going for a walk or meditating, this short window can be hugely beneficial for your whole family. Let everyone schedule their self care time! It’s a great skill to develop and practice as adults.
Be active: Even though we all are mostly stuck indoors, it is important to keep yourself active, both physically and mentally. Take a walk around the neighborhood to get some fresh air. Do a home workout – there are some really cool free videos out there. Try yoga or meditate. Stretch before bed. Keeping your body fresh and your mind active will help get you through each day.
Practice good hygiene: Look good feel good! Hygiene is not only important to our physical health but also our mental well-being. It is important that we continue good hygiene habits even if we are not attending school (or work) in person. That means brushing your teeth twice a day, bathing regularly, brushing your hair and wearing clean clothing (Even if it’s a new pair of yoga pants). Continuing to complete these tasks will help children to feel like they are still attending school which will likely ease the transition to cyber school.
Follow through on praising and consequences: In order to achieve success, we have to praise small victories and bring out that positive reinforcement! Give your kid a high five for waking up on time, tell them they’re awesome when they complete schoolwork or follow through with basic hygiene! The more validated we feel, the more likely we are to continue the behavior.
On the flip side, if your child is not following through with the agreed-upon family routine or testing limits, remember to be clear and firm. It is important fo follow through on accountability and sometimes that means taking away privileges. It’s important for us to remember that video games, cell phones, TV, spending time with friends (over Facetime or Zoom) are privileges that our children earn by being members of our families. When they are taken away and earned back, it helps build resiliency and accountability on their part. As a note, knowing what privileges to take away can be tricky – we’ll have an article that highlights that details what privileges are appropriate to take away (and for how long) based on their developmental age soon!
Finally, socialize…but distantly. Seasonal depression (or seasonal affective disorder) is a real thing in the winter months. Being stuck inside and isolated from friends and extended family can feel a lot like seasonal depression. Make time for everyone in your family to chat with friends via text, phone, Facetime or Zoom. Schedule time to hangout and just let the communication and jokes flow!
Creating a plan, agreeing to it, and sticking to it is all a crucial part of creating and enforcing structure and routine into your child, and your family’s life It can take some practice, but once you have it, it feels great and is incredible for the mental health of everyone in your home.
About the Authors: Hal Greenblatt has worked for CGRC for 9+ years in the Truancy and Delinquency Prevention Partnership. Hal studied undergrad at Temple University, majoring in Early Childhood and Elementary Education, and received his masters in Human Services and Counseling from Villanova University. When not working with clients, Hal enjoys working out, playing/watching/writing about sports, spending time with family and friends and taking his dog, Sir Brodie Theodore, Esq. for long walks around Philadelphia.
Kaitlyn Hughes is a masters level Truancy Clinician at Child Guidance. Originally from Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania, she attended Wilkes University for my undergraduate degree and Kutztown University for her masters. She currently resides in Philadelphia, PA. In her free time she enjoys traveling and spending time with family and friends. She has a great interest in self care and staying active to promote a healthy balanced lifestyle and loves teaching her clients new techniques and seeing them achieve a more positive mindset.